STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF QUASIMODO
I’M SORRY MAMA
I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU-OOOH
I NEVER MEANT TO MAKE YOU CRY
BUT TONIGHT, I’M CLEANIN’ OUT MY CLOSET
The most polite statement about Australian Politics I can make, no profanity, all visual disdain. Drink it in.
if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you
this is the best rape argument i have ever heard
Oh God. I just realised…
"HE made the devil so much stronger than a man…" - Judge Frollo, Disney’s Hunchback Of Notre Dame
NO SHIT FROLLO, LUCIFER IS LOOKING AT YOU AND THINKING “FUCK, I’M NOT GONNA ENJOY HAVING THAT GUY IN MY FIREY PIT. HE MIGHT MOLEST IT.”
JUDGE FROLLO. WORSE THAN SATAN.
Projectile Dan was wandering out of Professor Monroe’s anthropology class, having been scolded for his idiotic proposal related to the assignment given.
"Perhaps I haven’t made myself clear." Professor Monroe said, slamming his hands on the table. "I… I REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS MATERIAL!"
"But I’m going to film this documentary…"
"In the jungle…"
"And I’m going to see how regressive the depictions these Amazon tribesmen are given from the descriptions given by you, and this sadistic Italian filmmaker who killed animals."
"Nothing I can say will stop you doing this, will it?"
"Not even Tumblr Social Justice Warriors?"
"Nope!" Dan said.
Professor Monroe sighed. “Well don’t come crying to me when a crazy Italian man makes you eat pork despite your being Jewish without telling you, and then murders a bunch of animals for no reason while not warning you about it.”
Dan shrugged, and walked away. Professor Monroe lamented. “You know, having worked with Deodato, suddenly the wrath of social justice warriors doesn’t seem so bad.”
* * * * *
Dan got off the plane, and was immediately captured by the sadistic Italian film maker, Ruggero Deodato, who stuffed an unidentified meat product in his mouth before sealing the gag with duct tape. “And I didn’t even tell you that was pork yet!” Deodato cackled, as he slaughtered another ten turtles with his machete, handing the meat to the Tree People nearby since he wasn’t hungry at all. “Oh how I do love being a heartless dick, now where’s that puppy, I need to shoot the cutest one you can find in the face with a nail gun!”
The Tree People were indeed depicted in a highly regressive manner, Dan tried to protest this culturally insensitive, racist display of Amazon tribal life, but by that point he was already having a stone rock knife shoved up his arse and his penis and balls cut off by the Tree People. He didn’t scream, because he was too offended by the problematic depiction of his captors, who truly meant no harm, yet tore him limb from limb, enslaved by the cruel, insensitive stereotypes of this PETA pestering Italian madman director, who occupied the time between Dan’s dying breath by drinking the blood of kittens, but only using a third of the blood from the seventeen kittens he’d drowned in the river.
This would have gone fine for him, had Gamera not shown up from an unrealised Pacific Rim parody fanfic the author would have written ages ago were he not swamped with assignments, working on original novel works, or just lazy.
"Gamera!" Ruggero Deodato cried out, brandishing a machete. "You have come to avenge your turtle brethren I have slain in the name of cheap, sleazy Italian exploitation! Your Kaiju might will not prevail against my pointless, and hard to justify cruelty!"
Because Ruggero Deodato was not patient enough to look around for a Jaeger from the Pacific Rim fanfic portal from whence Gamera emerged, Deodato was crushed by the foot of gigantic turtle justice. After all, Gamera is a friend to children.
"We’re free!" The Amazon Tribesmen and women cried. "We are stereotypes that limit the potential of our unique culture no more, since the Italian director who oppressed us is dead! All hail Gamera, the Great Turtle Kaiju Avenger!"
And nobody would make a racist cannibal movie ever again, until Eli Roth came along to do the same but on a vastly more restrictive R rating from the MPAA, sparing many animal lives but offending everyone in the process.
THE FLAT CAP SITUATION: THE BIGGEST TURNING POINT IN THE HAT WARS SINCE THE FEDORA FANS LED THE CHARGE ON NEW JERSEY THIS IS SERIOUS YOU GUYS
This article is interesting in itself for its subject of the digital economy. But I favourited it for a different reason: for the first time I can recall the Japanese term for hikikomori, or more politely, NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training) has been used in an English language, Western context.
I’m jolly excited about this new adventure with the English language, aside from the terror this article inspires. Anime nerds like me tried to warn people about the NHK conspiracy long ago, but it’s too late. The NEET conspiracy is here already!
i was just getting mad about this a minute ago
Well this is something.
I’d complain about that one typo in my eBook copy of American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis if it wasn’t so hilarious in hindsight, or in general.
It’s a typo where Patrick Bateman is referred to as Batman by a woman who thinks he’s a stud. This typo delivers on so many levels.
Was watching Brotherhood Of The Wolf and there was this scene where a poet was allowed to read a love sonnet if it was not too licentious. I love that word, licentious, because it makes me imagine these 18th Century poets with Tipper Gore “Parental Advisory: Licentious Sonnets” on their manuscripts.
Coming up with names for 18th Century rappers is fun too, like what if there was this 18th Century French Rapper called 2-Medals who had a hit single called Wenches And Mead, which was banned from the Salons of Paris:
All the wenches in this tavern gettin’ tipsy
Roaming all across this country like a gypsy
Gettin’ wenches and mead
It’s all I need
Ain’t got shit on me
And then he’s release controversial hit singles like “Fornicate The Navy” because they hatin’ on his piratical, booty snatching ways. His final collection of poems, “Ready To Die At The Gallows For Stealing A Loaf Of Bread” would be his most widely revered work, by a poet taken from Bohemia too soon by a justice system that jacked his swag.